Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The #1 Reason Couples Get Married

Amanda and Luke
I'm nearing my 100th couple to marry! I first began marrying beloveds to one another in 2005 when two friends of mine asked me to officiate their weddings in the same summer. Out of the blue... and into the old, new, borrowed, and blue! Since then, I've learned a lot about love, some of which has surprised me. Here's my #1 discovery about lasting love:

Couples don't get married when they feel fireworks all the time, and greet every day with excitement and big energy together. That's that "sweep you off your feet" myth that many of us in Western cultures learn as kids. The Prince will come and make me feel like a Princess and dazzle my senses!
Maria and Ed

Well, when your Prince or Princess does come, they do in fact, dazzle your senses. Yet that's not all they do, and that's not what's most important. It's actually the opposite. The #1 reason couples get married is this: you can finally relax together.

On almost every wedding questionnaire I receive back from my wonderful couples, and it's close to the 3 digits now,  I hear "I can really be myself" with him or her; this "helps me feel loved" and "helps me grow."

When you can be you ~ feel known, let it all hang out, and be loved and valued for all of who you are (and who you are becoming!), you're home. This is not the same as perfect bliss where no one ever gets upset or lets their dark side get the better of them. It's more beautifully human than the pretty surface of "Happily Ever After." (I can feel the Prince and the horse stopping to look at me and listen.)

This #1 Reason couples get married ~ feeling mutual freedom and support to be truly yourselves together ~ is what creates that special atmosphere of deep acceptance and appreciation that helps make your journey of life's ups and downs compassionate, growthful, and joyful. This is true love.

George and Joe
If young people (teenagers!) knew that they were actually looking for someone who likes them for who they really are and with whom they can relax... well! Some very different choices might be made in the fervent dating pool. Rather than going for the person who might "make you feel" cool, sexy, smart, naughty, and loving by association, go for the person around whom you naturally feel yourself being your realest you. Cool, sexy, smart, naughty, and loving are natural byproducts of this freedom you give yourself, which can be supported by your partnership. No one else can give them to you by osmosis, proximity, or kisses to your sleeping lips in the forest. Your miracle is your authenticity. (Gorgeous!)
Jazelle and Deb
photo by MadeOnFilm by Roman Francisco

Now, go out there, kids of all ages, and grown folks, too ~ whether you are new to the block or have been around and around the block. Love your way home to your honey by choosing alliances and situations where you love yourself ~ across your life. Your lasting love ultimately is a celebration of who you both really are, how being together simply makes you both more so for the better of the world, and the third bliss that arises from your honesty.

 To your truth and joy!  To your lasting love! To your marriage!